Unfocused

Sometimes i'm appalled by just how lethargic and lifeless i've become at the office. At first i thought it was the whole man/mom/dad thing. But i'm more or less getting my head around all that now, and i'm still an absolute mess at work. I don't know where the cool, focused, in control me is anymore. Maybe i've just lost the joy in working here. Maybe the humongous fiasco in January took it all out of me. But i refuse to believe i can't recover from that blow. I'm good at that - i get hit, i catch my breath, i crawl back up again, and i'm stronger for it. Not once have i not made it back in better shape than i was before. So that's PROBABLY not it.

I think i just need to find something to focus on. Since work is not it, there has to be something else. It's not going to be another boy at this moment either, so it's gotta be like, an activity or something. Something to occupy my mind. I want to either take up a language, or yoga, or dance. Ballroom or salsa. These might all be temporary measures. But stopgap is better than no stopgap, isn't it? When you have a gaping wound, the first concern must be to stop the blood from gushing out wot? Makes perfect sense to me.

Right then. Stopgap it is. I'm so glad i rationalised that so easy.