12 posts from January 2008

It is rare that i pick up a free postcard off a rack, rarer still that i carry it home and look at it the next day, over and over and over again.

I've been reminded that it is a gift, to be able to move people, and indeed, to be moved, be it through dance, song, or words. It is also a reminder that random moments are quite possibly what it's all about. We'll never get that same moment again, but the beauty of the moment will always be something to cherish. And it's a precursor of many more moments of different but no less captivating beauty.

Front

"How can money be the root of all evil, when shopping is the cure for all sadness?"
- Naomi Comer

I'd never put much stock in that saying, simply because i seldom go shopping. Friends have said i'm not a very good representative of the female of the species - i know little about makeup, less about fashion, and owning racks and racks of shoes does not a happy Li Yen make. I just never really enjoyed shopping, because it takes far too much time, usually involves shouldering through crowds, waiting in line, and more often than not leaves me wracked with indecision over whether to buy the pink or the black.

Until last week.

Last week, i went mildly nuts. Possibly i suffered a massive personality change, because in the span of 2 days i spent about $700, mostly on underwear (or lingerie, as someone pointed out recently. Guys wear underwear. Girls wear lingerie. Um. Sure.), the rest on assorted things like bags and accessories and toiletries. And strangely enough, I felt good having spent all that money, and that's very un-me. I never feel good spending money, because i am not a rich person, and every cent spent makes me that much less rich.

But last week, spend i did.

After that I took it upon myself to calculate just how much money i'd spent on shopping over the past couple months. The final figure came out to a hefty S$1,500 since November, averaging out to a not so intimidating $500 a month. It's still quite a lot more than i'm used to spending though, seeing how throughout the rest of the year i'd only shelled out about $800 on frivolities like clothes and shoes and a whole bunch of random t-shirts that always make me smile when i put them on.

Apart from the numbers though, the other conclusion i came to is that i have succumbed to shopping as a form of therapy. If i were to put the 2 timelines side by side, there is little doubt my shopping sprees would coincide nicely with the ebbs and flows of all the tumult that has been my life over the past 3 months. Since October really, was when all the excitement, for want of a better word, or perhaps chaos would fit too, started, and that's when the shopping started as well.

Upon further contemplation, and i contemplate a lot, it is my understanding that the shopping helps because i get to make the decisions. However much thought i have to put into making my final choice, it is my decision to make, and nobody else's actions would so much as make a dent on what i pick out. Although if we're talking lingerie, then perhaps it does matter what someone else's opinion is.

But again i digress.

Shopping helps because i'm in control. And over the past couple of months very little has been within my control. How people react to me, how they treat me, what they think of me, how they live, how they treat each other, it's all way beyond my ability to manipulate. And it seems to have upset me a lot more than i cared to admit before. Because these things matter. It's not right that anyone could possibly have more than one cancer. It's not right that someone who's 28 and obviously mature enough to handle her own life should be treated like a 5 year old imbecile. It's not right for some someone to throw herself into a relationship, albeit a fuzzy one that was almost 100% shrouded in doom from the start, expecting nothing but the best, if only for a short period of time, only to have the other person turn a cold shoulder without an explanation, and THEN nonchalantly go back to being friends again. It's just not right. And these are things which i should be able to get explanations for, because i deserve better.

I realise "i deserve better" is never going to work as a plausible reason for an easier time, but it really should suffice. I believe in things coming around that go around, and if i haven't passed anything too bad around, i shouldn't be getting anything too bad coming around either wot? Round and round and round...

Just like a washing machine.

So it's been a really long week and weekend. Polished off a few projects in record time, visited the dad in hospital every day, had a possibly career-ending chat with the bosses, kickboxed - twice, took a day off, fixed my car keys so now i can beep my doors open instead of manually shoving the key in, shopped like there was no tomorrow (and there might not be, now that i've burnt such a big hole in my pocket), received my first ever manicure, dragonboated, got wasted at a black tie ball, worked hard at the safari, and managed to squeeze drinks in a couple times along the way. I'm surprised there's any of me left to go around. And it feels like there isn't anymore. I came into the office this morning and promptly dozed off at our weekly meeting. Which is SUCH a bad idea seeing how i'm already so in the doghouse with the big guns.

Gosh.

I can't even remember what i started this post for. There was a point i wanted to make, but right now i sure as heck don't have a clue what that was. Maybe it was just to remind myself there is a reason why some people prefer to go to bed early regularly, just so they can avoid feeling like i do at this very moment.

It's bed time for this bugger.

Sto pensando di andare in Italia in Aprile... i miei amici a genova vogliono viaggiare da Genova a Sicilia, e dopo a Morocco. Che ne pensi?

Normalmente, prendo qualsiasi opportunita per lasciare singapore, per qualsiasi periodo del tempo. Stavolta, pero, sono abbastanza indecisa. Non mi sembra un buon periodo per lasciare la famiglia, e anche il lavoro. Il mio padre non ha buona salute, e all'ufficio siamo occupatissimi. Sto sperando per un avanzamento, presto, e se non sono presente durante Aprile...

Non ho menzionato ancora il problema dei soldi. Mi pare che la tasca avessi un gran buco questi giorni...

Ma ogni anno vado in giro. E una tradizione da 5 anni, e ho poco propenso ad accettarne un compromesso. Ho un gran bisogno di una pausa dalla vita. Anche, parliamo di tornare in italia! Mi manca quello paese, la gente, la cultura, il cibo... mmmm... mi manca proprio il cibo :D

Aaaaaaah. Non mi piacciono queste decizioni. Aiutami, ti prego.

Mi fa ridere, quante righe ci sono sotto le parole ogni volta che scrivo in Italiano. Quasi tutte le parole non sono scritto correttamente, secondo questo dizionario...

Everytime i think i'm ready and strong enough to stop moping and get a move on with life, something comes around to smack me in the face. Usually it points an insulting finger and laughs as well, while i'm on down on the ground.

I think Terry Pratchett had it right. The Gods don't play games like chess. Instead they play Snakes and Ladders with Greased Rungs. And everytime the dice land me on a ladder, in the struggle to climb i lose my grip and slide down a 24-foot anaconda instead.

Someone should introduce the Gods to mahjong.

Ho passato 5 mesi in italia, 3 anni fa, per studiare la lingua. Adesso non mi ricordo molto della lingua (lo trovo difficilissimo scrivere questo paragafo, sto cominciando a sudare a causa dello sforzo!), pero mi vengono in mente sempre picoli momenti da quello periodo, e se possibile vorrei rimparare come parlare, scrivere, pensare, vivere in italiano.

It's been 3 days, and i'm not sure i've completely gotten over how badly i screwed up on Monday. Not once in 5 years of working have i felt this miserable about work. Wait hang on, maybe that's not quite right. Maybe i have, and i've just deleted those periods from my memory, as is my wont. Most of the time i archive only the good stuff in my head. The bad... well i paint them pink, turn them good, and archive them as well. It's like that Gold 90fm ad - Hear Only The Good Stuff.

But back to my original point.

A combination of factors led to a big kerfuffle at the office on Monday. There was a big document i had to prepare, which i'd known about for 3 weeks. But in the big empty space that is my brain i kept putting off doing anything about it, as i kept thinking 'how difficult can it be?'. Only when it came down to crunch time did i realise it was very VERY difficult indeed. And it was like, WHOA. Here is a task that i actually cannot accomplish, that i actually canNOT accomplish well. Which was like stepping into a cold shower and realising dang my body is not the machine i thought it was, and i do get cold after all. Well... maybe not quite the same thing. But the analogy here lies in the fact that it brought about the cold cold realisation that i had gotten, of all things, complacent. I hate complacence. In others, it irritates me. In myself, it horrifies me.

*

I didn't know where this was going to lead when i started writing. The original plan was to give a play-be-play of the fiasco, but now i've acknowledged the lesson to be learnt, i suddenly feel drained. It's time to stop mulling, extract the essence of this debacle and suck it up so hard it'll never go away. The past 3 days have been awful. But it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my act together.

ps: the kerfuffle didn't end well by the way. the document, in time, got prepared, was sent out, incomplete. and an addendum had to be sent out again the next day. oh well. onwards and upwards as they say.

pps: the combination of factors that led to the kerfuffle in the first place? 60% complacence, 40% heartache. 100% stupidity. onwards and upwards indeed.

There are certain things i do every week to get away from the routine of work, to stop thinking about other people's demands on me and my brain and my time. Much as the effort is to make it to kickboxing class and dragonboat sessions and the night safari, i almost always manage to haul myself to the gym or the river or mandai road, fuelled by the security of knowing the high i'll eventually get from these diversions will completely overshadow the hassle of trudging all the way there. That it'll make facing the clients at work that much more bearable.

Last night when i got to kickboxing class, one of my clients was there. In the same gym. In the same class. Breathing the same stinky sweaty air that i was breathing.

The horror of it all.

It's not that i don't like this person. I do. But how is one to forget about work when there is a living breathing reminder of it shadowboxing within a 10m radius?

I'm taking up quilting instead. Let's see them find me there.

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS…
What to do when the phone rings

In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell was awarded the patent for a glorious invention we now know as the TELEPHONE.
This document pays homage to that magnificent piece of technology.

*

#1: Phone rings

#2: PICK UP. Do not be afraid of the phone. The only known case of anyone who has suffered physical pain from picking up a call happened in a small fishing village off the Cornish coast in 1912, and in any case he’s very happy as a frog now.

Possible pick-up lines [ie: acceptable things to say when you answer a call here]
1: “Good morning/afternoon/evening, [insert name of company], how may I help you?”
2: “Hi this is [insert name of company]"
3: “Hello I’d like to order 2 large pizzas with extra cheese, how soon can you deliver them?”
[note: option3 should only be employed when you are actually expecting a call from Pizza Hut]

#3: The call is for you. Engage the other party in scintillating conversation. Otherwise please move on to #4.

#4: The call is NOT for you. You must then take a deep breath and employ the 3 laws of Einstein’s Mutating Algorithm. Caution is advised, as this is a complex and highly volatile theory that if misused could cause you to cut off your right ear, which would limit any future phone-answering capability by exactly 50%.

To transfer a call, you need to see what phone you are using, and what phone you are transferring the call to.

So after a conversation that might have gone something like this…
Caller: “May I speak to [insert name of someone other than yourself here] please?”
You: “Sure. Who shall I say is calling?”
Caller: “This is [insert name of caller] from [insert name of company of caller].”
Note: You should find out the NAME and COMPANY and PURPOSE of the caller
You: “Alright, please hold…”

*

Situation A:
You are using a fancy phone (like mine) that has different buttons for different lines, and you need to transfer the call to someone who also has a fancy phone [ie: anyone who sits downstairs. And Bob.].

Let’s say the call is for me.
- You first press the ‘HOLD’ button.
- Then you dial my extension ‘19’.
- Politely inform me that my client/stalker/mother [insert name here] is on line 1 [or 2, or 3, etc], and then YOU HANG UP.
- I will then press the button for line 1 [or 2, or 3, etc], and proceed to have a great conversation about the meaning of life.
- You can pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

*

Situation B:
You are using a fancy phone, but the poor chap [or lass] you need to transfer the call to uses an old-school phone with no line transfer system [ie: anyone who sits upstairs. Except Bob.].

Let’s say the call is for Lucy.
- You first press the ‘HOLD’ button.
- Then you dial Lucy’s extension ‘25’.
- Politely inform her that his client/stalker/mother [insert name here] is calling for her, and then ASK HER TO HANG UP.
- Then you press the line that the caller’s waiting on, and then hit the ‘TRANSFER’ button, and then dial Lucy’s extension ‘25’, and then you must HANG UP.
- Lucy will wait to hear her caller’s voice, and then impart words of wisdom to that lucky person [eg: you have to live in the darkness in order to see the light].

*

Situation C:
You are unfortunate enough to belong to an old-school phone. You need to transfer the call to someone else.

You press ‘FLASH’, dial the intended extension, and then HANG UP immediately.
Note: In this scenario you don’t really need to find out the purpose, but it’s always good to know who the caller is.

*

If none of the above methods yields any success, there is always Plan D.

*

PLAN D
You: “I’m afraid so&so is busy at the moment, could I take a message please?”
Caller: “Tell him that I’ve accidentally set his car is on fire and his pet cactus is being eaten by the baker’s dog, so it’d be good if he could call me back as soon as possible.”
You: “Ok. Do you want to leave a number?”
Caller: “87654321”
You: “I’ll get him to call you back as soon as possible. Thanks, bye!”

*

Go head. Pick up the phone. It won't kill you. And what doesn't kill you, can only make you stranger.