Posts (page 2)

Everytime i think i'm ready and strong enough to stop moping and get a move on with life, something comes around to smack me in the face. Usually it points an insulting finger and laughs as well, while i'm on down on the ground.

I think Terry Pratchett had it right. The Gods don't play games like chess. Instead they play Snakes and Ladders with Greased Rungs. And everytime the dice land me on a ladder, in the struggle to climb i lose my grip and slide down a 24-foot anaconda instead.

Someone should introduce the Gods to mahjong.

Ho passato 5 mesi in italia, 3 anni fa, per studiare la lingua. Adesso non mi ricordo molto della lingua (lo trovo difficilissimo scrivere questo paragafo, sto cominciando a sudare a causa dello sforzo!), pero mi vengono in mente sempre picoli momenti da quello periodo, e se possibile vorrei rimparare come parlare, scrivere, pensare, vivere in italiano.

It's been 3 days, and i'm not sure i've completely gotten over how badly i screwed up on Monday. Not once in 5 years of working have i felt this miserable about work. Wait hang on, maybe that's not quite right. Maybe i have, and i've just deleted those periods from my memory, as is my wont. Most of the time i archive only the good stuff in my head. The bad... well i paint them pink, turn them good, and archive them as well. It's like that Gold 90fm ad - Hear Only The Good Stuff.

But back to my original point.

A combination of factors led to a big kerfuffle at the office on Monday. There was a big document i had to prepare, which i'd known about for 3 weeks. But in the big empty space that is my brain i kept putting off doing anything about it, as i kept thinking 'how difficult can it be?'. Only when it came down to crunch time did i realise it was very VERY difficult indeed. And it was like, WHOA. Here is a task that i actually cannot accomplish, that i actually canNOT accomplish well. Which was like stepping into a cold shower and realising dang my body is not the machine i thought it was, and i do get cold after all. Well... maybe not quite the same thing. But the analogy here lies in the fact that it brought about the cold cold realisation that i had gotten, of all things, complacent. I hate complacence. In others, it irritates me. In myself, it horrifies me.

*

I didn't know where this was going to lead when i started writing. The original plan was to give a play-be-play of the fiasco, but now i've acknowledged the lesson to be learnt, i suddenly feel drained. It's time to stop mulling, extract the essence of this debacle and suck it up so hard it'll never go away. The past 3 days have been awful. But it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my act together.

ps: the kerfuffle didn't end well by the way. the document, in time, got prepared, was sent out, incomplete. and an addendum had to be sent out again the next day. oh well. onwards and upwards as they say.

pps: the combination of factors that led to the kerfuffle in the first place? 60% complacence, 40% heartache. 100% stupidity. onwards and upwards indeed.

There are certain things i do every week to get away from the routine of work, to stop thinking about other people's demands on me and my brain and my time. Much as the effort is to make it to kickboxing class and dragonboat sessions and the night safari, i almost always manage to haul myself to the gym or the river or mandai road, fuelled by the security of knowing the high i'll eventually get from these diversions will completely overshadow the hassle of trudging all the way there. That it'll make facing the clients at work that much more bearable.

Last night when i got to kickboxing class, one of my clients was there. In the same gym. In the same class. Breathing the same stinky sweaty air that i was breathing.

The horror of it all.

It's not that i don't like this person. I do. But how is one to forget about work when there is a living breathing reminder of it shadowboxing within a 10m radius?

I'm taking up quilting instead. Let's see them find me there.

FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS…
What to do when the phone rings

In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell was awarded the patent for a glorious invention we now know as the TELEPHONE.
This document pays homage to that magnificent piece of technology.

*

#1: Phone rings

#2: PICK UP. Do not be afraid of the phone. The only known case of anyone who has suffered physical pain from picking up a call happened in a small fishing village off the Cornish coast in 1912, and in any case he’s very happy as a frog now.

Possible pick-up lines [ie: acceptable things to say when you answer a call here]
1: “Good morning/afternoon/evening, [insert name of company], how may I help you?”
2: “Hi this is [insert name of company]"
3: “Hello I’d like to order 2 large pizzas with extra cheese, how soon can you deliver them?”
[note: option3 should only be employed when you are actually expecting a call from Pizza Hut]

#3: The call is for you. Engage the other party in scintillating conversation. Otherwise please move on to #4.

#4: The call is NOT for you. You must then take a deep breath and employ the 3 laws of Einstein’s Mutating Algorithm. Caution is advised, as this is a complex and highly volatile theory that if misused could cause you to cut off your right ear, which would limit any future phone-answering capability by exactly 50%.

To transfer a call, you need to see what phone you are using, and what phone you are transferring the call to.

So after a conversation that might have gone something like this…
Caller: “May I speak to [insert name of someone other than yourself here] please?”
You: “Sure. Who shall I say is calling?”
Caller: “This is [insert name of caller] from [insert name of company of caller].”
Note: You should find out the NAME and COMPANY and PURPOSE of the caller
You: “Alright, please hold…”

*

Situation A:
You are using a fancy phone (like mine) that has different buttons for different lines, and you need to transfer the call to someone who also has a fancy phone [ie: anyone who sits downstairs. And Bob.].

Let’s say the call is for me.
- You first press the ‘HOLD’ button.
- Then you dial my extension ‘19’.
- Politely inform me that my client/stalker/mother [insert name here] is on line 1 [or 2, or 3, etc], and then YOU HANG UP.
- I will then press the button for line 1 [or 2, or 3, etc], and proceed to have a great conversation about the meaning of life.
- You can pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

*

Situation B:
You are using a fancy phone, but the poor chap [or lass] you need to transfer the call to uses an old-school phone with no line transfer system [ie: anyone who sits upstairs. Except Bob.].

Let’s say the call is for Lucy.
- You first press the ‘HOLD’ button.
- Then you dial Lucy’s extension ‘25’.
- Politely inform her that his client/stalker/mother [insert name here] is calling for her, and then ASK HER TO HANG UP.
- Then you press the line that the caller’s waiting on, and then hit the ‘TRANSFER’ button, and then dial Lucy’s extension ‘25’, and then you must HANG UP.
- Lucy will wait to hear her caller’s voice, and then impart words of wisdom to that lucky person [eg: you have to live in the darkness in order to see the light].

*

Situation C:
You are unfortunate enough to belong to an old-school phone. You need to transfer the call to someone else.

You press ‘FLASH’, dial the intended extension, and then HANG UP immediately.
Note: In this scenario you don’t really need to find out the purpose, but it’s always good to know who the caller is.

*

If none of the above methods yields any success, there is always Plan D.

*

PLAN D
You: “I’m afraid so&so is busy at the moment, could I take a message please?”
Caller: “Tell him that I’ve accidentally set his car is on fire and his pet cactus is being eaten by the baker’s dog, so it’d be good if he could call me back as soon as possible.”
You: “Ok. Do you want to leave a number?”
Caller: “87654321”
You: “I’ll get him to call you back as soon as possible. Thanks, bye!”

*

Go head. Pick up the phone. It won't kill you. And what doesn't kill you, can only make you stranger.

The sense of loss i started my new year with has mututed into a sense of complete bewilderment. So much so that all the eloquent words i had laid out in my head for any kind of eventuality have now dissolved into nothingness. And i find myself unable to properly formulate any coherent train of thought about it right now. To which end i will give up and ramble about something else instead.

*

Very often the first song i hear on the radio every morning will determine my mood. If not for the entire day, then at least for the next couple hours, especially while i potter around getting ready for work. This morning's song #1 was Apologize by Timbaland feat. One Republic (which in itself deserves a whole other discussion on credit allocation). It got me rather down, to be honest, because it seems to speak to my current state of mind. Then again, when i'm feeling as low as i do right now, every other song speaks to my current state of mind. As it is the constant refrain that's currently chasing itself around my brain is "it's too late to apologi-iii-ise... it's too la-aaaaa-ate..."

Maybe that's just it. It's too late.

ANYway. A good song to start the day with is Scissor Sisters' I Don't Feel Like Dancing. Which inevitably makes me bop and bounce around my room as i pick out my clothes for the day. Therapy knows no better form than banshee yowling first thing in the morning. Try it.

I think i'll go do some yowling right about now.